If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
