Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
