How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
