someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize