Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize