Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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