The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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