Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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