We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
