According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
