My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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