Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
