Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
