Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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