called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
