Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
