Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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