Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Terrible idea I love it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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