He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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