It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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