I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my liver is dry heaving
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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