I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
