So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize