I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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