do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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