Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just threw up on my dentist
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
