Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
