the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
