the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
