I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
