I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
