i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
