He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
