so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
