i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize