I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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