i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
