This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
