it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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