I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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