Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
