just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize