Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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