I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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