Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
