Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize