literally had 100 drinks last night.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
