Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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