apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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