one might say we're banned from that church
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
