yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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