i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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