1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
