Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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