your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize