Have you finally orgasmed yet?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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