So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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