Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
