He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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