I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
