these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
