TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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